And Then There Were 5

I had my first chemo treatment last Tuesday, May 5th.  The actual chemo was the easy part, all I did was lay in bed for 8 hours.  It's been the last 8 days that have been the most challenging.  I would like to say that I was all "Zen" during this time, but truth is, most days I was a sobbing mess; digging into God like an anchor to sand, sometimes being dragged by the tide, sometimes firmly planted.  Tossing and turning between hope and despair, I was ready to just be done.

Going through the side effects is an ordeal that I'm not looking forward to repeating.  Hoping that next time will be better.  However, something happened throughout the past week that I feel I have to share.  Something, that I believe, cannot be explained away as coincidence.

A friend of mine (thank you Beth) sent me a text message last Thursday, a passage from the book titled To Live is Christ to Die is Gain by Matt Chandler with Jared Wilson.  She said when she read it Wednesday night she immediately thought of me.  The message in itself was awesome, but even more amazing was that her text message kept resending itself.  Not just once or twice like a glitch, but multiple times not only on Thursday, but throughout this entire week.  It came through when I was at my lowest point (yesterday), or at my higher peaks. 

For example, yesterday when I was sobbing and telling Joe that I just couldn't take anymore and that dying would be a better option, in came the text.  The night previous to that when I was laying in bed, singing, and worshipping God it chimed again.  It chimed over and over so often this week that I've lost count.  I asked my friend about it, and she had no explanation.  In fact, she even deleted it from her phone a few days ago.  Yet even today it came in.  The following is the excerpt she sent me:

"Rejoice, rejoice, rejoice.
God is big enough,
beautiful enough,
strong enough,
lovely enough,
perfect enough,
sustaining enough in any circumstance.
Wherever you are, He is with you, always."

~Jared Wilson

 

Akin to a blinking neon sign, it was a message sent to remind me that no matter what I was feeling at that time He is still He.  It doesn't matter what I was experiencing at that moment, He is unchanging.  He is as constant in our sorrow as in our joy.  What a wonderful gift to be able to trust Him rather than temporal circumstances.  He is always enough, My anchor, My God.

 

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." Hebrews 13:8