And Then There Were 5

I had my first chemo treatment last Tuesday, May 5th.  The actual chemo was the easy part, all I did was lay in bed for 8 hours.  It's been the last 8 days that have been the most challenging.  I would like to say that I was all "Zen" during this time, but truth is, most days I was a sobbing mess; digging into God like an anchor to sand, sometimes being dragged by the tide, sometimes firmly planted.  Tossing and turning between hope and despair, I was ready to just be done.

Going through the side effects is an ordeal that I'm not looking forward to repeating.  Hoping that next time will be better.  However, something happened throughout the past week that I feel I have to share.  Something, that I believe, cannot be explained away as coincidence.

A friend of mine (thank you Beth) sent me a text message last Thursday, a passage from the book titled To Live is Christ to Die is Gain by Matt Chandler with Jared Wilson.  She said when she read it Wednesday night she immediately thought of me.  The message in itself was awesome, but even more amazing was that her text message kept resending itself.  Not just once or twice like a glitch, but multiple times not only on Thursday, but throughout this entire week.  It came through when I was at my lowest point (yesterday), or at my higher peaks. 

For example, yesterday when I was sobbing and telling Joe that I just couldn't take anymore and that dying would be a better option, in came the text.  The night previous to that when I was laying in bed, singing, and worshipping God it chimed again.  It chimed over and over so often this week that I've lost count.  I asked my friend about it, and she had no explanation.  In fact, she even deleted it from her phone a few days ago.  Yet even today it came in.  The following is the excerpt she sent me:

"Rejoice, rejoice, rejoice.
God is big enough,
beautiful enough,
strong enough,
lovely enough,
perfect enough,
sustaining enough in any circumstance.
Wherever you are, He is with you, always."

~Jared Wilson

 

Akin to a blinking neon sign, it was a message sent to remind me that no matter what I was feeling at that time He is still He.  It doesn't matter what I was experiencing at that moment, He is unchanging.  He is as constant in our sorrow as in our joy.  What a wonderful gift to be able to trust Him rather than temporal circumstances.  He is always enough, My anchor, My God.

 

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." Hebrews 13:8

Paradigm Shift

"Don't worry, have faith."  We hear that a lot in Christian circles.  "Just have faith", "You need to have faith", etc.  I think we hear it or speak it so frequently that sometimes it's just a thing we say during a difficult time.  It's become an automatic response, rather than a statement of power.
 
God has been refining my perspective the past week.  Last Sunday He had me crying at a church, in front of people I didn't even know, urging me to accept.  Monday He had me conquering fear and anxiety.  Tuesday and Wednesday He had me chatting with my women's group about my lack of fear and complete peace with what may come in the future. 

Thursday He finished that work so profoundly that I find it difficult to explain. I was worshipping, kneeling down face on the floor, praising God.  Words can't express the experience that transpired, but I know unequivocally that my relationship with God was forever changed that morning.  I left my house reveling in His power, feeling His strength, emboldened by this new level of faith He has granted me. 

This morning I turned on my Kindle and powered up my Bible Gateway App.  Up popped my verse of the day, "And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him." Hebrews 11:6
 
Now, I must confess I haven't read much in Hebrews, but let me tell you, if you're struggling with faith start reading Hebrews.  Hebrews 11 has struck me so deeply because it speaks of ordinary humans.  Humans like me and you, just living their lives.  But because of their faith, not their intelligence, or skill, or job, or education, their faith- their stories live on thousands of years later.  Here's pieces of this chapter:

11 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. ² For by it the people of old received their commendation. ³ By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.

⁴ By faith Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain, through which he was commended as righteous, God commending him by accepting his gifts. And through his faith, though he died, he still speaks. ⁵ By faith Enoch was taken up so that he should not see death, and he was not found, because God had taken him. Now before he was taken he was commended as having pleased God. ⁶ And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. ⁷ By faith Noah, being warned by God concerning events as yet unseen, in reverent fear constructed an ark for the saving of his household. By this he condemned the world and became an heir of the righteousness that comes by faith.
⁸ By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. ⁹ By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. ¹⁰ For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God. ¹¹ By faith Sarah herself received power to conceive, even when she was past the age, since she considered him faithful who had promised. ¹² Therefore from one man, and him as good as dead, were born descendants as many as the stars of heaven and as many as the innumerable grains of sand by the seashore.

²⁹ By faith the people crossed the Red Sea as on dry land, but the Egyptians, when they attempted to do the same, were drowned. ³⁰ By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they had been encircled for seven days. ³¹ By faith Rahab the prostitute did not perish with those who were disobedient, because she had given a friendly welcome to the spies.

So, to recap...By faith Noah and his offspring were saved and chosen as the restart button of our kind.  By faith, Abraham left all he knew and because of that generations following flourished in the promised land.  By faith, though barren, Sarah conceived a child, which in turn, by faith, were born descendants as many as the stars.  By faith Moses led his people out of Egypt, by faith the Red Sea parted and they escaped.  By faith the walls of Jericho fell with only some marching and yelling.  The list goes on and on.

Because of their faith, God showed up in powerful ways.  If you're struggling with a life issue today, I pray that this post gives you encouragement, empowers you to be bolder, and draws you closer to the One Almighty God.  All of these people listed above were struggling with something that on their own was insurmountable.  Yet each and every one of them witnessed the power of God, by their faith in God. 

My take away today?  Don't just pray to God about the struggle, pray to God for an increase in the gift of faith.  Pray for an increase in the knowledge and the power of the One who created us, lives in us, and loves us.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9