Bumps in the Road

Most have them.  Bumps in the road.  Things that occur that change our trajectory.  Some seem to have little speed bumps, others craters, others Chicago style potholes that swallow part of a car.  However, there are those that seem to have an internal GPS that navigates around any little bump that may take them off course.  These are the people that for years I've stared in wonderment, questioned, and generally held a secret envy.  These people that skate through life, untouched, unaffected, path always clear, always one step ahead of disaster.  I am not one of those people.
 
I am one of those people that stopped making plans, because plans for me lost all validity.  Not one of my plans, not one of my dreams for my future that I envisioned as a kid or a teen came into fruition.  Not one.  I'm discussing this not to bring about sympathy or despair.  It's simply the facts.  Now, if this were a movie I'd be sitting in a dingy bar, retelling this story to an old high school friend I'd run into somewhere.  I'd look downtrodden, disgruntled, and depressed.  I am not one of those people.
 
I remember the instant that my life changed.  The very instant that I dropped.  It was the night that I gave up, dropped to my knees sobbing, and said a few simple phrases, "I give up.  Everything I've tried to do has failed, I have no idea what to do.  If you're real, then tell me what my purpose is, and I'll do it.  Whatever it is."  Important side note here, I was not a Christian and I did not wake up the next day with my life's manifesto in my lap.  I am not one of those people.
 
In fact, I regularly had this one-sided discussion out loud and/or internally for about 6 months.  "Show me my purpose, and I'll do it, just show me my purpose."  Finally it happened.  No, there wasn't a burning bush, or angels from on high, or even really cool theme music.  I am not one of those people.
 
There was just a thought, or a sentence, voiced in my mind... it's difficult to describe.  Just one simple thought/sentence.  I knew it wasn't from me, but I knew it was for me.  This sentence didn't tell me my purpose, it didn't tell me a plan, just an action, just a step.  Move. Move from Chicago to Colorado.  So I did.  I apparently am one of those people.
 
I won't go into all the details that transpired after this one action.  This post is already lengthy, however, suffice to say this one decision completely changed my life's trajectory and has taught me more, given me more, taken away more than I've ever experienced previously. 

My opinion?  I think we have an incorrect definition of purpose.  I believe God views purpose as a very fluid idea.  I don't think we do.  I think we view it as our life plan, unchanging, our path, our road to travel, a destination to obtain, some big grand plan, our purpose.  Which is why when bumps, craters, or detours occur we get so rattled.
 
It wasn't until I gave up this idea of purpose or "my path" that I began to have purpose.  And I'm not talking about the Mother Theresa or the after school special kind of purpose.  Mine didn't come with any big proclamations or mission statements.  I'm not one of those people. 

But in looking back, I can see the part I played, the delicate way He weaved paths together, created intersections, and off ramps.  My purpose during that time is very clear, although at the time, I had no idea I was fulfilling any kind of purpose.  I was just following directives, praying in earnest, taking action as I was led.
 
As I'm looking at my current path and thinking about the past the word purpose keeps coming up.  I hate that I have cancer.  Hate it.  In fact since being diagnosed I've prayed words I haven't prayed since Colorado, "Show me the Good in this."  And He has in some pretty cool ways.  Now, mind you, I'm not saying that being diagnosed with cancer has been a good thing.  I am not one of those people, well not yet anyway.

But I know that in looking back I'll be able to see the paths, just like before.  I have no idea what purpose this disease, this cancer, will contribute to my or others lives'.  But I do know that since I made that decision that fateful night all of my speed bumps, my roadblocks, my personal afflictions and tragedies have served a purpose either for myself or for someone else.

And so this will too...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." ~Jeremiah 29: 11-13