Truth Seeking

So tonight before I thought I was going to sleep, I grabbed my Kindle and opened up my Bible Gateway app.  and for some reason I ask Joe if he would like me to read aloud. I began reading my verse of the day: Isaiah 41:10
 
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
 
I open up the verse and continue reading aloud, Chapter 41, 42, 43 - reading my husband to sleep.  Verse after verse I continue reading out loud as my husband sleeps next to me.  As I'm reading, I'm aware that my voice gets stronger and my soul is digging in - like I was walking on loose gravel and suddenly found pavement.  It's a footing that I didn't even know I needed, I felt emotionally awesome even before I began reading. 
 
I struggle to find the appropriate words to describe this feeling, without using Christian speak about it. Yes I felt my heart stirring, but it's more than that.  I feel the power of the words begin to fill my heart with a certainty of truth; that what I am reading is rooted in an unalterable truth, absolute, grounded.
 
As a truth seeker I am finally home.  Most people don't know this about me, but Christianity was the last in a long line of religious contemplation and philosophical exploration.  By the time I was 20, I wasn't completely sure there was a "God." After spending a brief period of time being an Agnostic, I concluded that there was a God, or Supreme Being of some sort; so I went on a quest to find my truth.  I went on a search to find a religion that I felt I could follow and agree with wholeheartedly. What began in my college years, continued on into my late 20's and early 30's.  I looked into many different religions/systems of belief including in no certain order:

    Hinduism      Buddhism       Sikhism
    Taoism          Shinto             Jainism
    Judaism         Baha'i             Islam
    Sahaj Marg   Gnosticism     Unitarian Universalist
 
In every single one of these I would come across something that I couldn't get past.  Either something just didn't quite make sense to me, or it's own belief system argued against itself.  And so, I was just hanging out in this "no man's land" of spirituality, where I threw up my hands and decided that it doesn't really matter what you believe, it's all basically/fundamentally the same.  The concept of absolute truth is non-existent as everyone who holds a belief believes that what they believe is the truth absolute to his/her perspective.  And so, I just floated around and basically created my own relative truths about what to believe, right and wrong, etc.  I debated with Christian believers that struck up conversations with me at parties who felt it their calling to question me about the "state of my soul."
 
Truth be told of all the religious people I spoke to regarding their faith, which were many, I enjoyed my conversations with Christians the most, because of their lack of knowledge of the history or background of the creation of their religion.  I come from a Christian background/family, so I knew the basic premise.  I could verbally debate with any Christian who dared to begin a conversation about the destination of my soul.  I knew all the intellectual/post modernist responses to many of the typical Christian points, could stomp most of their arguments into the ground, point out all the theological issues, including the pagan rituals that have been woven in, compare Catholic Saints with other polytheistic belief systems, etc.  I basically made it my mission to get them to see the truth about religion and I was ruthless.  In my opinion, one could get no further from Absolute Truth than the Christian faith.  Oh yeah, I was a blast at parties, let me tell you...
 
God is not without a sense of humor.  I am not without a certain amount of stubbornness.  My struggle to accept Jesus as Truth was heartbreaking, world altering, and character changing - thank God.  Thank God that He is a God that honors seeking, doesn't take doubt or disbelief personally, cleans our slate, and yearns for a relationship with us.
 
I do not deserve to call him Father.  Do not deserve to ask Him for anything.  Yet, just like a loving parent, He knew my underlying heart, understood my desire for Truth, and with love, patiently waited until I was ready to begin a conversation.  He forgave me before I even understood that I needed to ask.
 
I'm telling you that no one is more surprised than I am that I'm a Christian. I've begun to understand just because there is Absolute Truth that we can tangibly feel and know to be certain of, doesn't mean that we always have tangible answers to all life's quandaries.  That's the most challenging thing for me.
 
If you yourself are a seeker and some of my past mimics your own experiences, I welcome a chat.  I promise I won't try and "save your soul" or make up an answer to something I don't know.  In truth, I'm a baby Christian, young in my faith, but God has equipped me with a fast processor.  He's surrounded me with unbelievable brothers and sisters in Christ who are knowledgeable in deep relationship with Him, and gave me an amazing journey of faith that I don't deserve to have experienced.  I know without a doubt that He is the Truth and the Light, the Alpha and Omega, The Way.
 
"Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me." ~ John 14:6 
 
9“So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 10“For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened. ~Luke 11:9-10