I Have Cancer

     I do.  I have cancer, most of the time I still can't believe it.  For those of you that are finding out while reading this, I apologize.  I know this comes as a shock.  It is not my intention to use this medium to drop an emotional bomb.  I just feel it's time to begin this blog, and though I understand that it may be upsetting that you didn't get a call/text personally, please do not take it too much to heart.  It's not that I don't think of you as a close friend, family member, etc., it's merely that I can't really handle the idea of calling everyone, rehashing the same story over and over.  It's too painful right now to do that, and quite frankly not something that I want to recap on the regular right now.  So, I'm doing it now in the hopes that I won't have to in the future.

     It's been four days now since we got the call confirming what I already felt God telling me in my heart was true. To be specific I have infiltrated or invasive ductal carcinoma. In English that means it started in my milk duct and has spread to surrounding tissues.  According to my research it's the most common type of breast cancer, typically found in women in their 50's. (should I be offended by that?)

     Bad jokes aside, let me take some time to perhaps answer some questions that may have come to your mind...

     1. How did this all come about?  I felt a lump a week ago Saturday.  Went to my doctor, who then sent me for a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound (last weds.); then a biopsy the next day. Confirmation came last Friday.

     2. How big is it? How far has it spread? As far as how much it's spread, what stage it is, and all the other pertinent information, we don't know yet. The full pathology report should be done by tomorrow.
   
    3.  Am I in any pain?  None, praise God.  I have no pain at all.

    4.  How are we doing?  Well, that depends. This morning I woke with anxiety, so that's always fun, but other times we're just find and dandy.  It's a very surreal experience, on one hand feeling fine and healthy and on the other knowing that you're not.  I mean I understand that I have this thing called cancer, I just don't want to dwell on it.  Even though I have it, I don't need to let it have me  So, we fluctuate back and forth between laughing and not, while we digest this tectonic shift in our life.

    5. What have I been doing the past week?  Well, much of my free time the past week has been spent researching, cross referencing, investigating, and praying... lots of praying. Praying for peace, praying for Joe, praying against fear; I think the fear is what scares me the most.  (excuse the witticism)  But seriously, when that fear begins and the thoughts begin to accumulate and build the mountain of doubt in the mind it's difficult to climb your way out.  It becomes a very real battle to cling to the truth.

       We've been praying for discernment and wisdom during this time.  God has really been teaching me more and more about what fear is really all about during this process.  Over the past week I've been forced to look at and deal with fear more objectively than ever before and it's been difficult but awesome at the same time, more on that in my next post.

    6.  What about treatment?  I have already begun natural treatment this past weekend called the Budwig Protocol.  For more information on this treatment, here's a link... http://www.budwig-diet.co.uk/dr-johanna-budwig/ thus far the results have been very encouraging.  Actually, I feel better than I've felt in over a year!  It's been such a blessing!  I didn't realize how bad I actually felt, because toxicity and such creeps in over time and you just adjust to this new normal, that as it now appears to me, wasn't really my normal.  This doesn't mean that I am not considering more traditional treatments, but I won't know what those are until I have more tests.   

    7.  Is there anything I can do?  Yes, pray.  That is the best thing that you can do right now.  

    8.  What can I pray for?  God will lead you, but if you haven't prayed to God before, I understand that might be a little too open ended.  So, pray for peace, pray for wisdom, guidance, and pray that when the scans are taken there won't be any cancer to left to find!

        Of course there's also been periods of helpful questions like: Why?  Why Cancer?  Why would you do this God?  Don't you care?  Why would you do this to Joe?  Why would you make him walk through this again?  And my personal favorite, why me?  Which God kindly reminds me that I'm clay, He's the potter, and He has a plan.  

       If you find yourself asking some of these kinds of questions in your own life, cling to that promise.  God has a plan, a plan which to us may make no sense at the present time. During my walk with God, I've been able to look back and see this truth.  Doesn't mean that His plan is without hardship, tears, failure, struggle...but without the fire, there's no refinement. Without the sieve, there's no sifting.  So we can be thankful for the struggle.

Love to you all,

Les

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4.