Hello Darkness, Not My Friend

    So, remember in my previous post when I talked about having to face fear more objectively than other before?  Earlier this week was one of those dark times...

     I was just settling down for my morning flaxseed, flaxseed oil, and cottage cheese concoction (mmm, mmm, good) when I began to be barraged by thoughts. Cheery thoughts along the lines of...You're not going to beat this, you have cancer, you're going to die, Joe is going to be left alone.  It's spreading, it's spreading all over.  And as it builds, other statements come into play: God doesn't care about you, He doesn't care about your husband, you won't win, this won't work, you're dumb, you're stupid, etc.  The attack continues on for awhile and it's getting more than a little dark and I'm getting more than a little panicky...

     For those of you who have dealt with fear, worry, anxiety, you probably know what I'm talking about.  Everything seems to be hurling out of control and I came very close to chucking it all and running around like Chicken Little.

    But then I paused... and remembered I had a choice.  A choice to call it out for what it is and stand strong.  I started denouncing it in the name God.  And when the messages got stronger and louder: mocking me, trying to make me doubt; I got louder and stronger.  In fact I had a church service in my living room for awhile. Did I say things that were eloquent? Nope. Was my delivery smooth?  Nope.  

     What I can tell you as the tears were streaming down, a power was also building and gaining strength.  And suddenly, words burst forth in my mind and with one simple statement.  "The Lord, my God, will not forsake me, HE WILL NOT FORSAKE ME!" The worry, fear, and anxiety ended and I went back to eating my flaxseed cottage breakfast and praising God.

     I'm learning more and more about the powerful tool of fear. For those of you that struggle with fear, like me, you need to understand a very basic truth.  The kind of fear that I experienced was not of God.  And when that kind of fear comes around, you need to call it out and denounce it.

     Sometimes what God asks us to do in our lives may be scary because it's unknown or new; the enemy loves nothing more than using that to his advantage.  I didn't always understand this, and looking back I know I made decisions based on the but what if, because I let my fear of being unsure choose my path.  Of course back then I didn't have a relationship with God.  

     We all have struggles and experience situations that can be filled with fear.  For some it's the struggle of unemployment or changing jobs/careers, others it may be an illness, or maybe the fear of entering into or leaving a relationship, fear of loss, fear of loneliness, past regrets or shame; I could go on and on, the list is long.  Sure the fear is real, but we don't need to let it control our decisions. Decisions of this nature made in fear are not really decisions but responses.

     One thing we all have in common, whatever issue that we're going through, whatever fear is being placed in your heart or mind, understand that there is a greater power that exists.  And. He. Is. Real.  

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On a side note: I know some of my friends may object strongly to this declaration.  I know this may spark a theological debate.  I know some who would think it's only now that I've become a believer. To be honest, in that past I think I've let fear keep me from declaring more openly at times.  Fear of not knowing what to say, or not being able to have the right proof/response, etc.  So let me be firm in stating that I have been a follower of Jesus for the past 5 years now and I know without a doubt that God does exist.  In fact to deny His existence would mean to take away all the undeniable ways in which He has shown his existence to me, cared for me, and gave me life more fulfilling, more full of joy, more than I could ever have created on my own.

I know this, and continue to be blown away by His desire to help, comfort, and love me.  If you are fearful today, please call out to God and denounce whatever it is in His name and command it to leave, break the chain.

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you.  He will not fail you or forsake you." ~ Deuteronomy 31:6

AMEN and thank you Jesus!